Fear
"The ocean stirs the heart, inspires the imagination and brings eternal joy to the soul." - Robert Wyland
In May of 2021, I completed my PADI Open Water Scuba Diver certification. I completed it because not only do I want to explore under water, but because I needed to face a fear. I now have a new addiction, but this one is a good one...
Last summer, I promised a good buddy of mine I would get my PADI Open Water Diver card. Day 3 of the training was happening at a local lake where we would perform our learned skills and do two (2) dives to roughly 20 feet in depth for 20 minutes. The day of the dive was perfect. Warm, partly cloudy skies and just peaceful. As I was getting my gear kit on and tested, my dive computer was leaking air. The Divemaster fixed it quickly, gave us short demo in underwater navigation and we made our way from the parking lot to the beach. Fully clad in wetsuits, booties and gloves, we waded into the cool water. As we listened to the final instructions from the instructor we readied ourselves to submerge and begin swimming to the dive site.
My dive partner (who bore a striking resemblance to Albert Einstein) and I signaled to each other we were ready to begin and we went under. Now, there were three (3) young and brash twenty-somethings in the class who were eager to show off their new skills. As my partner and I were under water, the "kids" decided to goof around and all of a sudden, I was kicked hard in the face, my snorkel broke and my regulator came loose. I did something I rarely do. I panicked. I surfaced and couldn't settle down. I was a mixture of pissed and worried. My partner surfaced and I told him what happened and that I was done. I didn't want to continue. I quit.
As I swam back towards the shore, I felt the anxiety in me roil and rise. I once again felt the hate inside me boiling up. I hate myself. I hate that I am a quitter. I hate that I was overcome with this negative wave. I am going to hate looking into the mirror later, facing my buddy, coworkers and friends.
Later that afternoon, I let the instructor know that I wasn't going to have time to finish this class this summer because I was getting busy with work. I allowed my fear of that incident creep in and settle. I bowed to the negative feelings instead of facing them immediately.
Over the winter, I would often look back at this day and wish that it would have gone differently. After all, in my youth, I was a swimmer. I coached swim teams, taught swimming lessons, lifeguarded and loved all things water related. Why was I allowing my fear to prevent me from engaging in a new hobby? There are some questions which contain no answers.
Fast forwarding to a this past April, I was out having a few drinks with my buddy and he asked me again about finishing my PADI certification. I replied, "Yeah, I'll do it this summer. I'll email the Diving Instructor tomorrow." He replied in a way that I respect and appreciate. "Bullshit. Do it now. Email her right now before you finish that beer." I laughed uncomfortably and sent her an email. By the end of the evening, I was signed up for round 2. Pool dive training (which I already completed the prior summer) on a balmy April Tuesday and Wednesday, followed by a trip to Monterey Bay two days later for my Open Water Certification.
I went to the dive shop, rented my gear and began getting anxious (not always in the good way) about the unnatural act of breathing canned air under water.
Pool skills went just as they did in the prior summer; without a hitch. The water and the mountains are like second homes for my soul and I am not only confident in them (well, mostly...) but I enjoy them with zest and vigor.
As I packed up the dive gear and put it into the car after the second day in the pool, I began to feel that all too familiar feeling of dread as we would be doing this for real, in the open ocean in 3 days. Friday evening came quickly and as the car sped down Interstate 5 south, the prior open water dive was in my mind. I also made the mistake of looking up diving forums online and reading about how this weekend in Monterey, the water visibility (clarity) was going to be really bad and the ocean swells were going to be BIG. I voiced my concerns to my buddy and as always, he laughed, called me out on my headcase nonsense and said we are going to have a great time. As the sun set on Friday evening we were making our final turn towards the Pacific Coast. My head was awash in wonder of the sea and all its hidden treasures. I could only hope that this round of open water diving would fare better than the last.
We grabbed dinner in a funky British Pub, had a few beers and enjoyed the music playing in the background. Walking out of the pub into the cloudy night, the air was a mix of electric and salt water. I was feeling good, and not just from the libations. I was genuinely anxious to get going tomorrow morning.
We rose at 5:30 A.M. and did a final run through our gear to ensure we had it all. The car packed, we drove through the empty and quiet streets of Monterey. What had been a noisy and positive energy scene the night before had ebbed into a quiet, subdued and tranquil morning. Dave Matthews A Pirate Looks at Forty (a wonderful cover of Jimmy Buffet's version) was playing on the stereo and I was a mix of anxious, nervous and excited.
We got to the parking lot at Breakwater Cove Marina and took in the sights, smells and sounds of the edge of the most beautiful ocean in the world. An ocean with no memory and no judgment. An ocean that knew not of the incident last summer and my wanting to quit. An ocean where time and tides are endless and ongoing. A place of respite and healing energy. Much like my sacred mountains (which will always be the place of healing and connection with the divine) the ocean gives me solace and settles my wounded soul. Snapping photos and videos of the gentle waves while listening to the chatty harbor seals, I looked down to see a penny. Smiling, I knew today was the day.
After gearing up and listening to the Dive Instructors final words on underwater navigation and where we would be diving, we loaded onto the boat and began making our way to the dive site. The splash of the water and crisp salty air alleviated my fears. I whispered to myself that the water is and always has been a place of refuge for me. The smile from that first dive has not yet left my soul.
We arrived at the dive site after a 20 minute boat ride. Looking at the remains of Cannery Row on the distant shore; a once bustling and thriving industry on the shores of the Pacific that John Steinbeck wrote so eloquently about, I smiled and got my mask ready. Run down and abandoned, those buildings on the shoreline could surely tell me stories and impart wonderful energy to this "sometimes" writer and ex-poet. But, I was here to dive and visit the realm of Poseidon.
The water was cold, even with a 7mm wetsuit, hood, gloves and booties on, but I felt alive. We descended and practiced skills for the Dive Instructor before going on a tour through the magical kelp forests. The visibility was amazing as were the sights. Crabs, corals, fish and a huge blue stingray joined in the early morning fun. It was a cornucopia of visual stimulation and brought a soul smile to me. After what felt like seconds, we surfaced and began the cheerful discussion about all we saw. I was now hooked. My fear washed away in a torrent of pure wonder.
I sit in my office now, against my will as a free spirit, and look back at my dive log at those first five dives which began this love of scuba. I smile and know that I was able to overcome fear and find something to bring me peace when I needed it. In the months since, I've acquired all my own gear, spent close to 30 hours underwater and began collecting treasures (everything from sunglasses to cognac, unopened bottles of beer and Capri Sun, to fishing tackle, road cones, phones, knives, drones, dog leashes and golf balls.) as well as trash from the ignorant and negligent. Like hiking, scuba offers solace and escape from the daily grind of work, bills and the drudgery of everyday life. It is an escape. It is like hiking with respect to the connection to nature and to pure energy.
Fear. FDR said it perfectly in his first inaugural address. "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Fear is firmly rooted in the human psyche, but we can choose whether that limits us or drives us to excel. I am so thankful I was able to allay the fear which took hold and overcome it. To overcome it and find a new hobby which brings me such peace and fills me with a sense of adventure. After all, "Jobs fill your pocket, but adventures fill your soul."
If you are struggling with something now, I hope that this little success gives you a sense of hope in the struggle against fear. It's not some magnanimous feat or daring trek across dangerous territory, but even the small victories bring peace within. I hope you are able to see fear for what it is and move past it. To celebrate the overcoming of it and the liberation of your spirit. Each and everyday offers us a chance to face a fear and to overcome it. May the strength, healing light and energy within this universe fill your soul with the resilience to face the fears you see.
“The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.” - Jacques Cousteau
"Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but pictures, kill nothing but time."
Namaste, friends.
Sometimes, you hike for your life...
Hello friends. May the blessings and radiance of this universe be ever present within you and around you.
It's been several months of thinking, over thinking, wrestling with emotions and trying to tame the demons and darkness within my head which is why the blog has taken respite. I am happy (happy may be an overstatement, but we will call it that just the same) to be writing this after seeing a quote from a fellow blogger. It made sense. I love the way it sounds and coming from someone else who battles depression and mental illness (hugs to all my "mental health suffering family") as well as loves the joy nature brings, it rang true.
"Sometimes you must hike for your life, not just for yourself. "(Taogoi)"
Wow. Those of you who connect deeply to nature, hiking, climbing and the beauty of the outdoors should get that. It should resonate. It should impact and influence you. If you also suffer from the darkness of anxiety and depression and your solace is in the wild, this quote should shake you to the core and become your own personalized, John 3:16.
"Mike, isn't that a little on the dramatic side? I mean, I'm not a depressed or sad person, so it can't really be that bad, can it?"
Yes. Yes it can. It can and it does. The darkness and depression sneak up on you when you least expect. It washes over you even when you may be smiling and laughing with a friend. It invades your smile and permeates your soul. It alters your mind and plans for fun. It makes you quit doing the things you love. It envelopes you in a sea of both hopelessness and worthlessness. I wish it on no one. If by me carrying it helps someone else avoid it, then let it be my yoke.
"Sometimes you hike for your life, not just yourself."
Hiking has been my safe harbor when all around becomes madness and dark. Mountains become hospitals and trails become therapists. The granite, dirt and scree are angels around me, healing my broken parts and saving me from myself. Yes. Saving me from myself. Sometimes the darkness and anxiety becomes too much to handle, and in the brain of a teenager, it can leave visible marks on the body. My best friend at 17 attempted to take her own life and her darkness became mine. I now bear a scar on my wrist from my fight with it. Hardly a day goes by where I don't look at it and remember that night almost 25 years ago. I am thankful for a roommate of mine who walked in as I contemplated pushing farther. I realized at that moment what was happening and began healing from it.
"Sometimes you hike for your life, not just yourself."
When my boot laces are cinched tight, my sternum strap is adjusted and my trekking poles ready, I smile and inhale deeply. I am glad to be alive and to be out in nature. To be amongst the trees, rocks and woodland creatures. To experience every emotion as the miles and hours tick away. To watch the sun go down behind mountains and feel the cool air of evening settle it. It purges the negative and washes clean my spirit, just like John Muir said it would.
It gives me memories and life. It offers me a place to continue to think deeply about every one of life's moments, both past and present. I hike for myself because it offers me a chance to be the best soul, human and healer I can be. I hike because it stokes my creative nature and soothes the Lost Soul within. I hike for my life, because without it, I am scared at what could happen.
As many of you know, my father was diagnosed with PCNS Lymphoma (brain cancer) 6 years ago. The impact of this diagnosis on me was soul shattering to say the least. My father and I have always had a close relationship and the thought of losing him (he remains in remission thanks to the beauty of modern medicine and the surgeons skillful hands) pushed my depression into full blown nightmarish realms. In the year of his diagnosis, treatment and recovery, I hiked for my life. I hiked for my sanity. I hiked for my soul and purpose. I didn't do it for photos, fun or anything other than to push that darkness away and continue living.
"Sometimes you hike for your life, not just yourself."
Today, I hike for myself, and at times, I hike for my life. I hike to bring peace to the darkness and to prove to myself each step and breath is worth it.
"Mountains are cathedrals: grand and pure, the houses of my religion. I go to them as humans go to worship...From their lofty summits, I view my past, dream of the future, and with unusual acuity I am allowed to experience the present moment. My strength renewed, my vision cleared, in the mountains I celebrate creation. On each journey I am reborn. (Anatoli Boukreev)"
Another quote which pairs perfectly with the subject of this blog. They are the places, not only cathedrals, but hospitals and therapists (as mentioned before) that conduct the healing.
There is a reason so many folks seek out nature when mental illness sets in. Stanford University conducted extensive research on the benefits of outdoor therapy and the impact on personal and mental health. Its findings show that, indeed, nature is a proven healer. It reduces stress, anxiety and depression. It connects the human with the earth and her energy (the second part is me, not the researchers at Stanford).
"Sometimes you hike for your life, not just yourself."
I apologize for the scattered nature of this blog as not writing in a bit has altered the normal flow, but this is real, and if you are still reading, thank you.
As I close my eyes and think of the hundreds of miles I have hiked, backpacked and adventured, I smile. I smile because even the thoughts and memories of trips eases the darkness. I think about my mental state prior to stepping onto the trail and my mental state leaving it. I think about the views from the tops of peaks, forested glens, alpine meadows and ice cold waterfalls. I think about the smiles on other hikers faces and how true hikers form a brother/sisterhood of sorts. How we talk about our adventures, the sore muscles and the experiences. The fact that some, like me, hike for their life too. For all of you brothers and sisters, I love and respect you. For those of you who may be suffering and have never slid a backpack over your shoulders and stepped foot into the wild, I urge you to try it. You may find the views, trails and memories worth it, but better yet, it may save your life as well...
"Sometimes you hike for your life, not just yourself..."
"Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but pictures, kill nothing but time."
Namaste, friends.
The 8,000 Meter Dream
Greetings, good tidings and good energy to all who read this. I hope that by now, you have enjoyed the fact that we are into a New Year and with that, new dreams, hopes and wishes. Dreams... I've blogged on that subject before and I have decided that this year will be the first step into the realization of those dreams.
My original post on dreams talked at length about my love of all things Everest. That's Mount Everest. The 29,028 foot or 8,848 meter chunk of majesty in the Himalaya. The highest mountain on this earth. The dream of many an adventurer, hiker and climber. Nestled in the Himalaya, the greatest mountains on this earth, lay so many peaks which beckon and call to the hiker and mountaineer. They call to the lost. They call to the broken. They call to the souls needing healing and to those whose pride and ego need stoked. They call to be climbed, because at the root of it, they are simply, there.
I reference a call to the lost. I smile when I think about being lost. Being a lost soul (which early on in blogging and my photography venture I explained the genesis) I tend to think deeply a lot. And after the year we all just experienced, I thought long and hard over my cup of coffee, quiet morning and a book which has given me the push I need to begin living my own dreams. If you are a reader like me and love a story about indomitable spirit and will (with a huge dose of hiking and climbing) than I suggest that you check out Everest, It's Not About the Summit by Ellis J. Stewart. His tale about his journey to climb Everest is not only inspiring, but motivational as well. I type this blog and smile because I just sent an email correspondence to him thanking him for the kick I needed to not only begin living my own dreams, but also, for sharing his. Maybe some of you just rolled your eyes or muttered, "Yeah right..." under your breath. I always thought some dreams were like that. Thoughts which would materialize in the mind of the dreamer and stay just that; dreams.
I may not have $65,000 to sign up for a climb of Everest this coming May, but I can begin to plan for something which will lead to that in a few years. A big dream you may be thinking? An insurmountable goal? Well, Everest is a big mountain as are all 8,000 meter peaks. Each dream needs to simply dare to take that first step. This morning while reading the aforementioned Everest, It's Not About the Summit, I came to a place where it referenced the view on Renjo La Pass near Gokyo Village where the view of Mount Everest, Lohtse, Makalu and Cho Oyu all become visible (these peaks are four (4) of the 14, 8,000 meter peaks on this earth). Deciding it was time for a second cup of coffee, I walked to my Keurig and began getting a cup ready while taking a glimpse at Instagram. The first picture on my #Mountaineering follow was of this exact view. I gasped a bit. I am a believer in fate and dreams, and I took this one as a huge push into following something I have longed after since first reading Into Thin Air by John Krakauer.
I picked up my cup of coffee and returned to the quiet confines of the couch where I closed my eyes to simply "be". To see where my thoughts went and what direction to take after this little odd whisper from the universe. What I received in return was a smile. I continued reading but became distracted once again after Ellis Stewart began talking about "negative mindset". All too familiar for this Lost Soul. It occurred to me that the first step in this new journey would be to undergo a logo and business shift in my venture into photography. To change from the current moniker, logo and d.b.a. name into something more positive. A nod to the positivity gods of this world, if you will. To also invest more time into completing my own book and begin the process of become a better mountaineer. To begin saving for what I am sure will be, a life changing adventure into the Himalaya. That time, begins NOW.
"But Mike, do you really expect to do this or are you just dreaming again?"
Yes. Yes I do expect to do this. Now, while I mention Everest and talk of it often much to the chagrin of much youngest daughter who is absolutely, positively terrified of the mountain and the chance of death on it, I am not confining my dream to just this one peak. My dream is an 8,000 meter peak without using supplemental oxygen if possible. To climb it in the purest form. Today, Cho Oyu is that dream to make a reality. That doesn't mean that in the next year I will pack my bags and go to Nepal. No. There will be training, preparation and careful thought to this. There are two (2) mountains in which my buddy and I want to climb prior to ensuring we are prepared for an assault on an 8,000 meter peak. We've discussed Kilimanjaro in Africa in 2022 and Aconagua in Argentina in 2023, with other summits mixed in (within the US) over that time. My dream would culminate in 2024 with the climb of an 8,000 meter peak. A lofty goal, but all goals should be just that. I feel the newfound burst of excitement at the potential of this and for the adventure of a lifetime.
So, over the next few weeks and months, there will be a shift in the name of my venture here as well as a huge focus on positivity. At 42, I recognize my body is not getting younger and neither am I. I realize that I will not be content being a 65 year old "arm chair mountaineer". I want to have stories to tell. I want to have lived those stories. More stories than what I have been so fortunate to experience thus far. I want to tell tales of the Himalaya, Andes and Karakoram. I want to write more books and share my love of the mountains with the world. I want to live my own adventure and dreams whether they are in the Sierra Nevada or the Himalaya.
A lot to dream of. A lot to ponder on. A lot to smile about. That's what dreams are for. To motivate us and keep us looking at what makes our soul burn brightly. I am reminded of one of the most famous passages from George Mallory from Climbing Everest: The Complete Writings of George Mallory:
"People ask me, 'What is the use of climbing Mount Everest?' and my answer must at once be, 'It is of no use. 'There is not the slightest prospect of any gain whatsoever. Oh, we may learn a little about the behavior of the human body at high altitudes, and possibly medical men may turn our observation to some account for the purposes of aviation. But otherwise nothing will come of it. We shall not bring back a single bit of gold or silver, not a gem, nor any coal or iron... If you cannot understand that there is something in man which responds to the challenge of this mountain and goes out to meet it, that the struggle is the struggle of life itself upward and forever upward, then you won't see why we go. What we get from this adventure is just sheer joy. And joy is, after all, the end of life. We do not live to eat and make money. We eat and make money to be able to live. That is what life means and what life is for.”
"We do not live to eat and make money. We eat and money to be able to live". Yes. Live. Live our dreams. Live our ambitions whether they be Everest or the hill in your hometown. All dreams are worth living. This year is a perfect time to begin living or at least preparing to live those same dreams. Explore. Adventure. Hike. Climb. Climb the mountain you see in your daydreams and the make it happen. Dream. Never stop dreaming. But in that vain, as you dream, what are you doing to make that dream a reality? Are you content with just going to work everyday and stashing money away for a retirement that is uncertain? Upon the day you walk out of your office the final time after 40 years in the hustle and bustle of the grind, you could drop dead. Would those 40 years have been worth it when we all know that had we died in our chair, they would have replaced us in a week. Think about that. Why not live those dreams doing the things you dream about while your body is able?
Another quote which comes to me in this same is from the Shawshank Redemption and stated eloquently by the character Redd, "Get busy living or get busy dying."
Live those dreams so you can die with a content soul and a memory of smiles.
“Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but pictures, kill nothing but time.”
Namaste, friends.
What 2020 Has Taught Me...
Happy Winter Solstice to all readers. I hope you are filled with joy, light and peace as this holiday season commences. Holidays. Happy Holidays. So much more, than just a greeting, and yet, some souls find ire in being greeted this way. Happy Holidays. A perfect greeting for this time of year when over 13 cultures celebrate something sacred to them. The Jewish people find light and joy in Hanukkah, Christians find peace in Christmas, African Americans find unity in Kwanzaa and pagans find the Yule worth celebrating. Holidays. All of them. Remember, Happy Holidays is a wonderful and appropriate greeting for this time of year to celebrate all peoples beliefs and traditions. Be patient with others and see the true light in each soul.
Why do I bring that up? Patience. Understanding. Celebrating the joy the holidays bring to each and every person. Wishing someone "Happy Holidays" doesn't mean you are a bad Jew, Christian, Pagan or Buddhist. It means you can see your fellow human and truly love that they too, are happy about the coming joyous times.
"But Mike, if I say Merry Christmas to someone, they should reply, Merry Christmas! I was at the grocery store and someone wished me Happy Holidays, so I said Merry Christmas, because that's "the reason for the season..."" Did it make you feel better doing that? Is that what your Deity wants you to do, rather than extending joy and happiness to other sentient beings and the well wishes for them to express joy and gratitude? Maybe you are completely "certain" that your belief set is true. Maybe because of that, you can't look beyond it and be able to simply be happy for others who are also filled with love and joy at this time of the year? Look inward. Truly look at yourself in a mirror and ask that question. Why? What is stopping you from extending holiday greetings to others who are just as happy as you? Maybe you already do this. If so, fantastic! May the joy and peace of the holiday season fill you with love and light.
"So Mike, how does this relate to 2020 and what it taught you?" Simple. It taught me even more about patience. During this pandemic, I found time to dive more into philosophy, Buddhism and how to relate with other humans who may think and believe differently. It taught me that loving my fellow human is far more important than what they think and how they believe. Seeing the manner in which humans acted towards each other during the Presidential election made me truly appreciate people who could carry on a patient and honest conversation without resorting to name calling or degrading attacks on each other. Patience. They say its a virtue, and I believe that fully.
Patience can be exhibited in so many ways and can have a truly amazing impact on society as a whole. This year, we as a society, spent a great deal of time in our own homes unable to do the things which bring us happiness. This year, for me, began with the promise of being a year full of wonderful hikes, backpacking trips and outdoor photography including both portrait sessions and landscapes alike. When the world as we knew it closed its doors due to the COVID-19 virus, everything ground to a halt. We couldn't simply go to the gym, to our favorite stores, to the Buddhist Temple or church we frequent, to be able to have a drink with a friend at a local establishment. We were forced into a more patient mindset.
Now, I am not saying that patience is an easy thing. It is not. It takes work. It takes understanding. It takes time over all things. We may feel in our heart of hearts strongly about something and understand that waiting is not only the best thing for us, but for society and others as well. In my personal thoughts and beliefs, I know my soul has been here before. Many times. And, it will continue to come here many more times until I am able to learn the lessons I am to learn and then ascend to a soul who can teach younger souls about life and patience. There is that word again. Patience. It has applications in so many different realms. Even the ethereal.
I won't belabor this point. After all, it is the holiday season and people's patience is running thin. I thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you give it a good, hard and thorough thought. Remember the next time someone wishes you "Happy Holidays" that they are doing it in a respectful manner and full of light and good tidings. Remember patience with your fellow human when you see something outlandish posted on a social network you don't agree with. Will your comment truly be helpful? Remember that as you stand in line to purchase whatever gift you are buying that someone else likely lacks the resources to purchase that same gift. Remember, there are others out there who are under stress and pain and that a simple smile (even under your mask) is still and always will be, the best way to greet someone.
Patience.
Every night always sheds its darkness to reveal the morning. We must simply wait patiently for those morning rays of golden sun to bring illumination and sometimes, enlightenment, to our world. Happy Holidays to you, friends. May your days be merry, bright and full of warmth.
“Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but pictures, kill nothing but time.”
Namaste, friends.
The Wolf
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Which wolf do you feed regularly? Which wolf deserves to be fed? Do you listen to your inner voice and think for a moment and living in fear, grief, anger and resentment?
All good questions that require a long time to ponder. It seems so simple though, doesn't it? We need to constantly be feeding the good wolf, don't we? Don't we want to live in positivity and light? Of course we do... I think...
The universe is filled with light energy and dark energy. The same universe is a grand scale of each one of us. Beings of light, filled with stardust and wonder. Vast and for the most part, unexplored. The evil wolf may be filled with the dark energy and obviously, the good wolf with the light. But without darkness, there can be no light. Without light, there can be no dark. And we know that like light, darkness is needed. Darkness allows our physical bodies to rest and reset. To prepare for the coming day. To heal wounds, hurt and cure sickness. To allow the moon and stars to shine and feed our sense of wonder and how truly small we all are in the grand scheme of this universe.
"But Mike, you are saying that evil is good?"
In a way, yes. Darkness can be good. Evil, not so much. Dark energy, like light energy, has its uses. It can motivate us and help us deal with the days where our happiness seems to be off the charts.
"Wait a minute, Mike. Now you are just plain wrong. How can you ever be too happy?"
Simple. There is a saying which states, "Never reply when you are angry. Never make a promise when you are happy. Never make a decision when you are sad." Interesting. Do you see in between the lines? I do. It reads "balance".
Balance. What does that have to do with the wolf story? Good and bad, must balance. Yin and Yang. Darkness and Light. Day and Night. Love and Hate. Rain and Sun. Mountain Peaks and Ocean Bottoms.
There must be balance in all we do. I like to alter the story of the Cherokee Grandfather by saying the wolves are dark and light. We must feed them both, to achieve a sense of balance in life. To grow, we must experience both dark and light. Good and bad. We must go through dark nights and radiant days. Sometimes, those journeys must occur alone. We have lessons to learn and emotions to find. We must run with the light wolf through golden alpine meadows and watch as the same wolf turns dark and brooding as winter falls. We offer food to them both. We ask each of them to teach us. To show us a lesson our soul was destined to learn.
As I pen this blog, the dark wolf is eating from my hand currently. I have been surrounded with darkness for a few days. I feel numb. I feel sad. I feel run down and worn out. I am tired. I am in need of wilderness therapy. I need to pat the dark wolf on the head, send it on its way and find light. Find balance. Find peace, solace and tranquility.
"So just be happy!"
It's not that easy. The mind of the depressed is awash in a myriad of emotions unexplainable to most others, especially the folks who live in perpetual happiness. We call and call the light wolf to return to us and lick away our fear, hurt and pain. Only, our calls, go unanswered. We yell into the remote and vast wild hoping to see that wonderful light bounding towards us, yet, we remain in the dark.
Sometimes, we grow to love the dark.
For me, there are days I welcome the dark. I find happiness in seeing that dark wolf running to me. Other days though, when the canines sink too far into my spirit and balance cannot happen, I loathe the same wolf. I call and call to the light wolf, yet it remains at bay.
It is clear to me that while the Cherokee Grandfather was speaking in terms of good and evil, I believe there is the other side to the story; dark and light. This is a story for you, my reader, to ponder yourself. Do you seek out one wolf over the other? Would it benefit you to feed them both? Are you afraid of the dark? Do you fear the happiness and comfort of the light?
Why?
Think. Feel. Wonder.
In a time where everything seems upside down and inside out, allow your mind to question things you never have considered before. If you enjoyed this read, great. If you think it's complete gibberish, also great. Hopefully though, you asked yourself a few questions during this and allowed your open mind to wonder, if even for a second. Stay well, find the balance in the dark and light.
“Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but pictures, kill nothing but time.”
Namaste, friends.
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